Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
