I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
