You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
