Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
