Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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