he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You need Xanax blowdarts
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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