Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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