she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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