Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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