i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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