What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
