it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My penis needs a shock collar
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
