im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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