Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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