she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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