i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
