he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
