if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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