You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
