Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
