It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
