I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
