i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
