at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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