Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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