I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
