i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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