sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Who died my cat blue again?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
