When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
