we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
be right there i have to get my cape
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
