alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This is my gift to your gina
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Randomize
