Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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