It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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