Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
