Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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