Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
