I must be too annoying 4 u.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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