does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
