fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
