her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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