So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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