Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
