Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
