some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my vag is so smooth its legendary
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
