I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
