Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
