that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
