let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
