Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
