Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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