update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
