my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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