She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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