she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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