Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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