I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
