There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
