i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Boobs speak an international language.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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