I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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