We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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