I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
