What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
