i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You took a bar mat shot.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
