True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
