Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
