$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
