nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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