Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
