She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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